It's one of those moments

Kinda like a Chat Quotes thread, except for in-session stuff for ZURPG.

Fountains

• The following happened purely by chance, via Sephiroth's random kick lines.
  • *A restoration fountain works by standing in it briefly. In this case, it might be a bit on the cold side, so if you stay in contact too long, you'll be frozen over.*
    
  • * Gurloz kicks Shane out the window.
    
  • * Gurloz has kicked Shane from #zurpg (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in the fountain! «13,398»)

Computers

• Once again, random chance, my friends.
  • BlueShell kicks himself out the window.
    
  • BlueShell has kicked BlueShell from #zurpg
    • (He was kicked out the window and he landed in his computer! There he goes, he won't be able to come back now.

Kids these days

• Suddenly, random chance:
  • [Child]: Is it safe? Are the poes gone?
    
  • * Vincent_Valentine kicks DM out the window.
    
  • * You have been kicked from #zurpg by Vincent_Valentine (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on a kid. «13,868»)
    
  • [Child]: Ow, what was that?!
    
  • Child seems to have been bumped by an unknown force.

Loading Screens

• Because I can...
  • *You enter the house, and the screen fades to black.*
    
  • -LOADING-
    
  • -LOADING-
    
  • -LOADING-
    
  • -=QUEST PAUSE=-

Space Jam

• Red_Enrics screams the lyrics to Spacejam.
  • *The bandits are confused by Space Jam. Grunt ends up dancing his turn off.*
    
  • *BanditGrunt jams to the space and the jam cause there's jam everywhere.*
    
  • Personally, I'm under the assumption they danced to this version.

Red Enrics is forever drunk

• And this is why you don't drink Chateau Romani that's spiked with Jack Daniels. I'm looking at you, Red:
  • Dex is my slave, DM is my mom, Fireblast is my sister, and who the hell is Bob? I have him in the records right here, but I have no idea who the fuck Bob is!
    
  • TO ALL THE BANDITS I MEET IN MY JOURNEY, NONE SHALL BE SEXIER THAN BANDITMEATSHIELD, HE WAS THE ONLY BANDITMEATSHIELD I'LL EVER LOVE
    
  • FOXES CAN'T STEAL SHIT
    
  • KREEEEEEEEEE
    
  • I REVEAL DEEP DARK SECRETS FROM MY DRUNK MIND
    
  • ewfiuqwejiohrhguiewqhryfoiqjewhfeidusodfjhuisedfksuewgisfg
    

Jaws ftw

• Rule number one of every quest - Sephiroth's random kick lines must always make it into this thread.
  • [DM]: *Several Zora appear from the water and hoist him up into the boat.*
    
  • [Zora]: Then it's settled! Stay in the boat, and you'll be at the fortress in no time!
    
  • * Sephiroth kicks Fireblast out the window.*
    
  • * Sephiroth has kicked Fireblast from #zurpg (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in the ocean! Do I hear Jaws music? «14,046»)

Holy Grail and the 3 questions

• Iron Knucles + Holy Grail and the 3 questions:
  
  1. [Iron Knuckle]: What is the name of the Hero of Legend?
     • [Ramsey]: Depends on what the player chooses since every game has the option to name the hero. Although in canonical sources his name is Link.
       
     • [Iron Knuckle]: Correct. Next question.
  2. [Iron Knuckle]: Who is the almighty master of Gerudo Fortress?
     • [Ramsey]: Well the last time this area was predominatly featured the master was Ganondorf.
       
     • [Iron Knuckle]: ... I suppose that is his name. Whatever.
       
     • [Iron Knuckle]: Last question.
  3. [Iron Knuckle]: How many times have you broken the fourth wall since the start of this quest?
     • [Ramsey]: More times than you have since we started these questions.
       
     • *Sephiroth sets off a bomb.*
       
     • [Iron Knuckle]: Correct. ... you may proceed.
       
     • [Sephiroth]: Fourth wall broken.

Grammar Nazis vs Snake

• *All of the crates spontaneously pop open, revealing 4 men, one of them immediately calling some sort of phone device.*
  • *You hear him say - "OTACON, GET ME OUT OF HERE!"*
    
  • *DM then proceeds to kick the fourth wall down.*
    
  • *DM kicks Snake through said fourth wall. He then closes the fourth wall back up.*
    
  • [GrammarNazi1]: Snake?
    
  • [GrammarNazi2]: SNAKE?!
    
  • [GrammarNazi3]: SNAAAAAAAKE!!!

Poor fourth walls

• In the name of science...
  • [HouenKyomu]: Hmm, it's been a few weeks since I exited this cave. I wonder what happened to the base above...
    
  • [Vincent_Valentine]: Many fourth walls were broken...
    
  • [HouenKyomu]: I praise the souls of these poor fourth walls in the name of science.

More fourth walls

• Why do my shells have to break the fourth wall so many times?
  • * Orin breaks the fourth wall to show everybody a painting of Zant as a reference to Silvio's psychotic attitude.
    <Silker> (get out)
    * DM kicks Orin out of the window.
    * Sephiroth kicks Orin out of the window.
    Orin was kicked by Sephiroth (You were kicked out of the window and landed in a wheelbarrow!)

Fourth wall is afflicted by milk

• [Kirran]: Hey guys, there's someone in the castle with our Poe friend.
  
• [Kirran]: And I think I saw God in there too, but that might have been the milk.
  
• *DM hides behind the 4th wall.*
  
• [Dex]: No more milk for you.
  
• [Dex]: Also if that's God that explains a lot.

Grammar Nazis

• GhostlyHorse does a rick roll- wait oh crap oh crap oh crap-
  
• [Fireblast]: (OUT)
  
• Sephiroth kicks GhostlyHorse out the window.
  
• Sephiroth has kicked GhostlyHorse from #zurpg (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in a Nazi brigade! «14,265»)
  
• [DM]: Sephiroth, summon a Grammar Nazi on GhostlyHorse in accordance to the kick line. Pick any move and shoot it.
  
• GrammarNazi fires a flurry of typos at GhostlyHorse! (Roll Courage!)
  
• GhostlyHorse does another barrel roll to dodge GrammarNazi's attack!
  
• GrammarNazi has been denied.
  
• [DM]: (Okay, any time that kick line occurs - a Grammar Nazi must be summoned. This is an absolute rule.)
  
• [Sephiroth]: (lol)

---

MEANWHILE, A FEW MINUTES LATER...

---

• [Sephiroth]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqoJAyt4NQ4 ... Is it me, or do I hear "I buttered it up up." over, and over, and over again?
  
• [DM]: Smooth McGroove is so smooth, he makes butter with his voice.
  
• Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in a Nazi brigade! «14,267»)
  
• [DM]: OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP
  
• * BlueShell is now known as GrammarNazi
  
• [DM]: It figures... RIGHT AFTER I SAY THAT RULE....
  
• GrammarNazi thwacks DM upside the head with a question mark.
  [DM]: crap crap crap crap
  
• DM is thwacked upside the head with a question mark as he questions why he made that god darn rule.
  
• GrammarNazi inflicts the DM with Typo Fever.
  
• GhostlyHorse rollsg rea tisr af eyes afrom sdie to sidewa to see how frgrammare works.
  
• GhostlyHorse freis a Shadowg Bolgea at Silker aginagd cuaes die. (Roll Wisdom tousguoa4893atg890438)
  
• Silker is shocked by a veil of darkness that consumes him.
  
• Silker 's fairy pulls him back out.
  
• GhostlyHorse inflivts thea powre of deatha as thypo beaver consumes himself (HAHHAHAHAHAHA, THYPO BEAVER, WHAT THE
  
• [DM]: Excuse me.
  
• [DM]: Just.... gimme a minute.
  
• [DM]: I need to compose myself.....
  
• GhostlyHorse 's remaining lifefrocea is converteda to Rebonack.
  
• DM castgae fleraferalfrna cleansinge flamfes on hismsevleg48oato4a7hitik4ra
  
• DM is cured of Typo Fever. Screw you too, Grammar Nazi.
  
• [Fireblast]: (Lmao)
  
• [Sephiroth]: (I am still LOLing about that.... literally.)
  
• [DM]: (Same, lol)

And thus, Thypo Beaver was born.

The little man returns

• *From below (only one floor down), 15 Gerudo pirates are making your way up here.*
  
• *Just then, you hear a shout...*
  
• [???]: HEY GERUDO, WE GOT A PRESENT FOR YA!
  
• [???]: SAY HELLO TO KOKIRI BOMB!
  <Fireblast> @-@
  
• *As you crawl back into the window, a particular Kokiri is launched at the Gerudos below you. He appears to have 8 super bombs strapped to him.*
  
• [Fran]: I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIIIIIIISSSSSSSS-
  
• [Fireblast]: (Lol)
  
• [Sephiroth]: (LOL!)
  
• *He makes contact with the confuzzled Gerudos as a massive explosion shakes the foundation of the fortress.*
  
• *Part of the fortress immediately collapses under the strain of reconstitution as I give Fran's corpse a hamburger.*

Nosher's Death

• From the Death by etc. thread...
  • "Grevious Bodily Harm" Nosher enjoys multiple stab wounds in accordance to his name and hugs Dex as his bleeds his final moments and gives Dex his loving memories.
    • As Nosher dies, his body turns to roses as "My Heart Will Go On" suddenly starts playing and echoing through the palace. The mist disperses spontaneously in confusion, and most everyone fighting just looks up and questions why the 4th wall just started to break.

Chuck Norris stopped by

• [PhantomAgahnim]: Grr, PERISH, ALL OF YOU!
  
• *PhantomAgahnim accidentally fires at the DM.*
  
• [DM]: NANI?!?!?!
  
• Sephiroth kicks PhantomAgahnim out the window.
  
• Sephiroth has kicked PhantomAgahnim from #zurpg (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on Chuck Norris! =O)
  
• PhantomAgahnim ends up firing at Chuck Norris.
  • [Navi]: PhantomAgahnim, You rolled 55 Dice with 10 Sides. Total: 275. Successes: 32.
    
  • [Navi]: DM, You rolled 100 Dice with 10 Sides. Total: 501. Successes: 58.
• [DM]: Thanks, Chuck Norris, I owe ya one!
  
• *With that, he kicks open a black hole, enters it, and the black hole sucks itself in.*
  
• *The universe cries in confusion as the laws of physics spontaneously explode.*

Fran dies again

• *The dream ends, and you wake up outside of Gerudo Fortress, where some Zora are waiting with two boats. One of the boats is loaded with another party of adventurers. You notice the corpse of Fran on that boat, or at least you thought it was a corpse.*
  
• *Fran awakens from his slumber, and at once, he's thrown into the ocean. The ocean summons a radio that starts playing Jaws music.*
  
• [Fireblast]: Got any twos?
  
• *Zora pops up with Fran's corpse.*
  
• [Zora]: Maybe... what do we do with this?
  
• [Fireblast]: Just give it to me and I will burn it
  
• [Sephiroth]: Just leave it where you found it.
  
• [Zora]: Hmm, but it keeps floating back up...
  
• [Zora]: I got an idea!
  
• *Zora straps a convenient, nearby Geodude to Fran. Together, they sink to the bottom of the sea.*

And that wraps up Termina!

Know how Sephiroth's kick lines always have to make it into this thread? Let's make it worse!
Log of the first kick session - http://pastebin.com/2nj4aNU1

The return of typo fever

• *Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• *You have been kicked from #zuchat by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in a Billy Ronald quest!)
  
• [DM]: .... alright, I apologize ahead of time for this, I personally have nothing against Billy Ronald....
  
• [Red_Enrics]: WHY YOU NO USE THIS TEXT
  
• [Kirran]: ouch, my brain.
  
• [DM]: Everyone must now type like they've got dyslexia.
  
• [Red_Enrics]: eqwkr
  
• [Kirran]: waht
  
• [Red_Enrics]: fucking penis bagels
  
• [DM]: Turn Order: ArmoredStalfos (9), Vincent_Valentine (7), Dex (7), Sephiroth (7), RockGolem (6), Sephiroth (4), Red_Enrics (3), Kirran (1) and Fireblast (0).
  
• [Dex]: lysdeixia isnt just tpeiying backwerds you no
  
• [Kirran]: wrehes grmmr nazi wehn yu need him??
  
• [Dex]: guise its moar about bad speeling and knot understhanding writtttten werdz
  
• [Dex]: si
  
• [Red_Enrics]: I want my grammar correcting friends back ;~;
  
• [DM]: -=FIELD EFFECT - Dyslexia. If you do not type incorrectly, you will suffer a 3 dice penalty to all rolls. Also, as a result of this, Red_Enrics is forever drunk again.
  
• [Kirran]: lul
  
• [Red_Enrics]: FCUdfsk
  
• [Vincent_Valentine]: fsck.
  
• [Fireblast]: weRHes tAht Wierod naemd Garmma Niaz
  
• [Dex]: incorrectly wose turn iz et
  
• [Red_Enrics]: Teh won tiem im nto durnk, I hvae ot ytpe liek dis
  
• [DM]: *it isge redgenericvs turn-
  
• [Fireblast]: yuo scuk oto
  
• [DM]: *It is eagr red enricscaeo turn, he musto af now attack gor somtehintef affore agrpegeriopgijregoreatg.*
  
• [Dex]: incorrectly i heop dis doesnawt last too match lunger
  
• [Kirran]: crse u sepirot.
  
• [DM]: *heavnea dosnt pheel like hetaven anyomero
  
• * Red_Enrics explodes
  
• [Fireblast]: waht si htia dsualxa
  
• [Red_Enrics]: $removeme
  
• [Navi]: Red_Enrics: Want to remove yourself from a battle? Get a battle started!
  
• [DM]: Tdfurn Odrder: Armoreddfstalfos (9), Vifdsagncent_Valentfdaane (7), Dexrfre (7), Seghirotgerh (7), RockrehtrhtGolem (6), Sephirorgeah (4), Red_Enricgres (3), reg (1) and rgreaFireaegr\blast (0).
  
• [DM]: kay just kdiding
  
• [Dex]: incorrectly waht are ew vene doin
  
• [DM]: Turn Order: ArmoredStalfos (9), Vincent_Valentine (7), Dex (7), Sephiroth (7), RockGolem (6), Sephiroth (4), Kirran (1) and Fireblast (0).
  
• [DM]: *kireanf is upa next
  
• * Red_Enrics is now known as RedsGhost
  
• [Kirran]: krin nik and arru end fries is et the rocc gollom (rll crge)
  
• [Kirran]: $s1d10
  
• [Kirran]: $21d10
  
• [Navi]: Kirran: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Result: 6, 9, 9, 9, 10, 4, 9, 6, 5, 10, 9, 6, 3, 2, 6, 1, 6, 8, 2, 10 and 4. Total: 134. Successes: 18.
  
• [RockGolem]: $9d10
  
• [Navi]: RockGolem: You rolled 9 Dice with 10 Sides. Result: 7, 8, 6, 1, 3, 6, 8, 1 and 3. Total: 43. Successes: 5.
  
• [DM]: 18 - 5 = 13/2 = 6.5 rounded = 7 damage
  
• [RockGolem]: 7h
  
• [Kirran]: $endturn
  
• * RockGolem ends his egoeragtea tunr.
  
• [Navi]: Kirran: Want to end your turn? Get a battle started!
  
• [RedsGhost]: I'm a dead ghost, getting rid of my dyslexia. ^_^
  
• [RockGolem]: oh wiat nvm
  
• [DM]: (lol)
  
• [DM]: Turn Order: ArmoredStalfos (9), Vincent_Valentine (7), Dex (7), Sephiroth (7), RockGolem (6), Sephiroth (4), Kirran (1) and Fireblast (0).
  
• [DM]: *Fireblaltsdgt hath enterd a battlte thaaaaaaat aheaheheheeeeheheheheh is too hiiiiii fer.*
  

Not enough space

• *Sephiroth has kicked Fireblast from #zurpg (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in an adjacent building's bathroom where someone was showering! Uh-oh.)
  
• [DM]: *You all land in a very cramped shower, where a naked girl is showering. Frankly, you should all be stabbing each other naturally with all of the weapons you're carrying, there shouldn't even be enough room for you all here.*
  
• *Fireblast gets stabbed by her own sword.*
  
• [Dex]: Ohhhhh I'm going to do some "stabbing" alright...
  
• [DM]: -=FIELD EFFECT - You have all inadvertently-
  
• [Dex]: SEXUAL INNUENDO
  
• [DM]: .......
  
• [Kirran]: So that's what they look like naked...
  
• [Kirran]: I mean...
  
• [Kirran]: uh, how did we get here...?
  
• [Kirran]: ]:_]:
  
• *Sephiroth sets mode +s #zurpg.*
  
• [Sephiroth]: Rated R.
  
• [DM]: -=FIELD EFFECT - You have all inadvertently killed a naked girl simply by transporting into a space too small to possibly fit all of you. The blood causes Sephiroth to kick me again.
  
• [DM]: lol
  
• *Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in the fountain!)
  
• [DM]: ... wow
  
• [DM]: *Everyone is restored to maximum Hearts and Magic!*
  
• [DM]: *Dead people stay dead.*
  
• [Dex]: Alive people stay alive.
  
• [DM]: -=FIELD EFFECT - People die if they are killed.
  

How love works

• [DM]: -=KIRRAN EFFECT - He has a nice, naked leaf-covered lady next to him. He gets lots of love when it's not his turn and recovers 1 heart and magic every turn that he's not targeted.
  
• [Kirran]: Woo!
  
• [Dex]: YARGLE
  
• *ArmoredStalfos ingeniously targets Kirran with his Skeletal Blade! (Roll Courage)
  
• [Navi]: ArmoredStalfos: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Result: 9, 2, 5, 8, 2, 10, 4, 9, 3, 8, 7, 8, 6, 3, 7, 6, 8, 10, 6 and 9. Total: 130. Successes: 17.
  
• [Navi]: Kirran: You rolled 22 Dice with 10 Sides. Result: 1, 7, 8, 4, 2, 4, 6, 8, 4, 7, 10, 8, 2, 4, 4, 8, 8, 7, 7, 10, 2 and 10. Total: 131. Successes: 16.
  
• [Kirran]: That's the power of love.
  
• *ArmoredStalfos bounces off of Kirran's armor (and the power of love), but he's now able to control Kirran's attack target.
  
• [Nolyghots]: How love works: Fuck it
  
• [Nolyghots]: Life is like a woman: Fuck it
  
• [DM]:
  
• [Vincent_Valentine]:
  
• [Dex]: so is death
  
• [Kirran]: -_-
  
• [Dex]: NECROPHILLIA
  
• [DM]: wooooaaaaaaah there
  
• [DM]: woah man
  
• [Kirran]: 0_0
  
• [Nolyghots]: Nintendo, now your playing with incest
  
• [Dex]: These are the joke folks.
  
• [Kirran]: (So now it's rated DM?)
  
• [DM]: *DEX EFFECT - He's a necrophiliac and can make love with a corpse, thereby restoring hearts and magic equal to half of the corpse's respective hearts/magic. The corpse is then unusable.*
  

Stringing kicks together

• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on a ship that's headed to Antartica! Better take your winter coat along with you!)
  
  -=LATER=-
  
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in the school's parking lot where the principal is waiting! Uh-oh!)
  [DM]: *The principal is waiting in a school at Antarctica. Your boat will reach him at the start of the next round.*
  
  -=A LITTLE LATER=-
  
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on Jason's chainsaw! BTW, IT'S TURNED ON!)
  [DM]: *The principal of Antarctica's school turns out to be Jason with a chainsaw!*
  
• *ChainsawJason joins the battle.

Really

• *GrammarNazi loses the remainder of his life to a flurry of periods. He attempts to correct KEESE AND CO.'s grammar, but his lack of enlightenment is unsuccessful, and he goes down as a misprint in Webster's Dictionary for the rest of his life.
  
• [Kirran]: Revenge of the MLA style, nerd!
  
• *ChainsawJason is still left, suckers.
  
• *ChainsawJason speaks.
  
• [ChainsawJason]: Gentlemen, if you don't up your grades, I'll be sure to punish all of you!
  
• *ChainsawJason has his chainsaw roar.
  
• [Dex]: Actually, I'm a straight A student.
  
• *Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in a Nazi Brigade!)
  
• [DM]: ........................
  
• [Kirran]: Oh shit.
  
• *GrammarNazi returns from the grave.
  
• [Navi]: ThypoBeaver: You have entered the fray!
  
• [ChainsawJason]: Vincent_Valentine! I'm not satisfied with your grades, young man. You will now pay for your hubris!
  
• *ChainsawJason grades Vincent_Valentine! Roll Power, Courage, and Wisdom (separately).
  
• [Navi]: Vincent_Valentine: You rolled 23 Dice with 10 Sides. Successes: 18.
  
• [Navi]: Vincent_Valentine: You rolled 19 Dice with 10 Sides. Successes: 11.
  
• [Navi]: Vincent_Valentine: You rolled 4 Dice with 10 Sides. Successes: 1.
  
• [ChainsawJason]: Hmm... your Power is quite excellent, and you are quite the courageous one! However... here, at school, we do not grade strength. We grade intelligence!
  
• [ChainsawJason]: And yours, young man... deserves punishment! I decree upon you... a F! (Roll Wisdom again)
  
• *DM rolls for ChainsawJason's Wisdom.
  
• [Navi]: ChainsawJason: You rolled 1 Die with 25 Sides. Result: 2.
  
• [Navi]: ChainsawJason: You rolled 2 Dice with 10 Sides. Successes: 0.
  
• [Kirran]: lol
  
• *DM cries laughing.
  
• [Navi]: Sephiroth: You rolled 9 Dice with 10 Sides. Successes: 8.
  
• [Kirran]: Terrible school you have here, mister.
  
• *ChainsawJason is now an F-rated principal and suffers a -7 dice penalty to all dice rolls.
  
• *ChainsawJason is also counterattacked by Vincent_Valentine's superior intelligence.
  
• [ChainsawJason]: wuty me nowaf astupid guuuuuuuys
  
• [Vincent_Valentine]: A -7 dice penalty, ... so essentially 7 additional dice?
  
• [DM]: *7 dice penalty.*
  
• *DM throws double negatives at the fourth wall. It weakens in confusion.
  
• *ChainsawJason is sent to a rehabilitation center, where he will be nursed by a fleet of jealous typos, all lead by ThypoBeaver.
  
• [ChainsawJason]: 3h, ??m | In rehab
  
• *ThypoBeaver gives ChainsawJason TheRapist.
  
• *Fireblast124 slaps in another Rated M for Mature
  
• *ChainsawJason gets $200 and goes to jail due to a monopoly claim.
  
• [ChainsawJason]: 3h, ??m | In rehab | In jail | Surrounded by jealous typos
  

Worst way to end a session

• *Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed up your butt! How the fuck is that possible?)
  
• [DM]: ......
  
• [BluffBot]: .................
  
• [Sephiroth]: .....................................
  
• [Kirran]: ................................
  
• [Fireblast124]: And our butts broke too
  
• [Fireblast124]: Seriously, who hired the guy
  
• [DM]: *The quest ends tragically as everyone experiences pain on a whole new level. You now choose whether you want to stay alive through this or not.*
  
• [Dex]: i want to liiiiive
  
• [Vincent_Valentine]: I do too.
  
• [Kirran]: I, strangely, would also like to live.
  
• [BluffBot]: Survivors will be provided with molestation counciling
  
• [BluffBot]: Counciling for molestation, that is. I'm fairly certain the counciling will not involve molestation.
  
• [Fireblast124]: First thing first:
  
• [Fireblast124]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpetCgI1zzI
  
• [DM]: *Dex lives to find 45 Experience and a buttload of 250 rupees in his bottomless pit. Vincent_Valentine unfortunately finds the same in his. Kirran's sheikah senses tell him this is wrong, but his girly love returns and supports him in ways that we don't want to know about.*
  
• [DM]: *You also find some random item drops...
  
• [DM]: Grammar Nazi Boss + Grammar Nazi:
  
• [DM]: *A Bomb and a Shadow Sroll #2 drop... okay, just... kick me again so we don't end it in this horrible catastrophe, I'd rather not make puns like this unintentionally.*
  
• *Fireblast124 blows DM up instead.
  

---

Kefka is evil

• [Kefka]: seph u on?
  
• *Sephiroth whacks Kefka upside the head with a homerun bat. *WHAM*
  
• [DM]: *Team Kefka is blasting off again!*
  
• [Kefka]: it's a big work in progress
  
• [Darte]: ahahahaha
  
• [Darte]: $fortune Kefka
  
• [Kefka]: Kefka: Someone is speaking well of you.
  
• [DM]: *KEFKA EFFECT - The act of him blasting off again is a big work in progress. In 10 rounds, he will automatically die.*
  
• [Kefka]: play y 6
  
• [DM]: *KEFKA EFFECT 2 - Darte speaks well of you. You accept this, and you can no longer target Darte. This lasts until the start of the third round.*
  
• [Kefka]: Know what'd be really really evil?
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Kefka (BOOT TO THE HEAD!)
  
• [DM]: really
  
• [DM]: REALLY
  
• [Kefka]: You've never seen.
  
• [Kefka]: yum.
  
• [Sephiroth]: ...
  
• [Sephiroth]: that.
  
• [Sephiroth]: was WIN.
  

It's a paradox!

• [DM]: $fortune Ramsey
  
• [Kefka]: Ramsey: The person who will not stand for something will fall for anything.
  
• [Ramsey]: "What if I won't stand for falling?"
  
• [DM]: *RAMSEY EFFECT - Paradox occured. Currently processing existence. I have no idea what's happening right now.*
  
• [Kefka]: I have magic powers.
  
• [DM]: *KEFKA EFFECT - Kefka's Wisdom is increased by 5 from his magic powers!*
  

More typo fever

• [Kefka]: Wow. Learn to type, DM.
  
• *DM has Typo Fever- WHAT?!
  
• [DM]: HWOAGFO
  
• [DM]: WHAT
  
• [DM]: Keafkfwe a I heahete you
  

How the DM died

• [Kefka]: .. or so my mind works.
  
• [Darte]: No
  
• [Darte]: your mind does not work
  
• [DM]: KEFKA, DOES YOUR MIND WORK?
  
• [Kefka]: Hell!
  
• [Darte]: stop thinking so loud
  
• [Kefka]: Line Added: stop thinking so loud
  
• [DM]: *Kefka's mind works in Hell.*
  
• [Kefka]: russ, i think selection limits the area you can change with the other tools
  
• [Darte]: wut
  
• [Kefka]: HI WIND
  
• [DM]: *Darte is capable of being a target of- what
  
• [DM]: *Kefka proceeds to say hi to WindStrike, who is DM, meaning.... crap, he's sticking a fortune on me.*
  
• [KefkaRolls]: $fortune DM
  
• [Kefka]: DM: Don't let friends impose on you, work calmly and silently.
  
• [Ramsey]: "But what if they impose on you calmly and silently?"
  
• [DM]: *DM EFFECT - Kefka, my friend, no longer imposes on me. $torture is off until I die.*
  
• [Kefka]: lmao
  
• [DM]: $switch torture
  
• [Kefka]: $torture: This command may not be disabled, DM.
  
• [DM]: .... crap.
  
• [DM]: *DM EFFECT NOT VALID. ABORT MISSION, ABORT MISSION.*
  
• *Gurloz grabs his White Sword and charges at the DM! Roll Courage!
  
• [Gurloz]: $25d10
  
• [Navi]: Gurloz: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Successes: 11.
  
• [Gurloz]: Damage + 1.
  
• [DM]: KEFKA, SAVE ME!
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Kefka (*Drives a random ambulance over you!*)
  
• [Kefka]: performance obviously
  
• *DM doesn't even need to do a death line for that.
  
• [Kefka]: lol
  
• *Sephiroth forces DM to do a death line for it anyways.
  
• [DM]: screw you too, Kefka
  
• [Kefka]: oh god
  
• [DM]: *DM, in an effort to survive, calls out to Kefka to save him. Kefka proceeds to run DM over. KEESE AND CO. deny DM of enlightenment. And no one ate dinner that night.*
  
• [Kefka]: i'm bisexual you twit
  
• [DM]: that's disturbing....
  
• [Sephiroth]: lol
  

Highways

• [DM]: *FIELD EFFECT - You're on a highway. Oncomming traffic has been replaced by Kefka's ambulance. At the start of each turn, Kefka's ambulance will hit a random target (Roll Power to defend).*
  
• [DM]: *Kefka is hit by his own ambulance! HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?!*
  
• [DM]: *Kefka runs himself over with his own ambulance, taking 4 damage!*
  
• [Kefka]: oh yes...
  
• [DM]: *Kefka seems to enjoy it, too.*
  

When Kefka says random lines, they really are random

• [DM]: *Kefka throws a pie at GrammarNazi!*
  
• [Kefka]: ... Woah. I forgot to go grab it.
  
• [DM]: *KEFKA EFFECT - He forgot to grab the pie. Therefore, this pie is being thrown by Kefka's lack of grabbing skills.*
  
• [Kefka]: Hi
  
• [DM]: $pie GrammarNazi
  
• *Kefka throws a Cream pie at GrammarNazi as requested by DM. I threw 110 pies on LunarNet.
  
• *GrammarNazi receives a movie-full of cream pie at his face. This is how Nazis everywhere are treated.
  
• *GrammarNazi returns to his homeland in shame.
  
• *GrammarNazi has quit (Quit: Leaving)
  
• [Kefka]: i rly hate it wen peoples grammer and speling and puctuations ar awlays worng
  
• [DM]: brb dying laughing
  
• [Sephiroth]: ..... ......
  

How MechaHitler died

• [Navi]: Darte has ended their turn. MechaHitler: It is your turn now.
  
• [MechaHitler]: HELLO. I AM MECHA HITLER. HEIL ME.
  
• [DM]: MechaHitler, using your German superiority, calculate the value of pi.
  
• [MechaHitler]: $google pi
  
• [Kefka]: $google: It has been represented by the Greek letter "π" since the mid-18th century, though it is also sometimes written as "pi" (/paɪ/). π is an irrational number, which... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pi
  
• [MechaHitler]: ERROR
  
• [MechaHitler]: ERROR
  
• [MechaHitler]: WIKIPEDIA DOES NOT KNOW PI
  
• [MechaHitler]: I AM ERROR
  
• [MechaHitler]: I AM IRRATIONAL
  
• [MechaHitler]: THE CAKE IS A LIE
  
• [Darte]: ahaaaaaaaaahahahah
  
• *Sephiroth blows MechaHitler up with a Creeper!
  
• [Sephiroth]: Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
  
• *Sephiroth has kicked MechaHitler from #zurpg (BOOM!)
  
• *MechaHitler attempts to calculate pi, but he is blown up by a creeper before he himself self-destructs.
  

Sephiroth's Pants

• [Kefka]: I can't stop laughing, and I'm happier than ever... how on earth can this be bad?
  
• [DM]: *KEFKA EFFECT - He's being the guy he's based off of for once. Dancing Mad starts playing.*
  
• [Kefka]: oh dear.
  
• [Kefka]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbXVNKtmWnc
  
• [DM]: *Kefka is now dancing madly. He now rolls $1d35 instead of $1d30.*
  
• *Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on a flagpole? )
  
• *DM dies to the flagpole?
  
• [Darte]: or experiences mild rape
  
• [Sephiroth]: LOL
  
• [DM]: ... Sephiroth, rape me with your kicks again... mildly.
  
• *Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in Windows Vista!)
  
• [DM]: oooooh
  
  -=A FEW MINUTES PASS=-
  
  
• [DM]: nvm, I can't come up with anything
  
• [DM]: it's just that bad
  
• [Darte]: ahahaa
  
• *Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
  
• *You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in the pants!)
  
• [Darte]: AHAHAH.
  
• [DM]: oh my
  
• [DM]: *You have all landed in Sephiroth's pants!*
  
• [DM]: *Sephiroth will now choose the field effect. After all, it's his pants.*
  
• *DM gets the ice cream out while Sephiroth attempts to figure out what's going on inside his pants.
  
• [Sephiroth]: *FIELD EFFECT - You are in the pants! Roll courage against the pants to escape, lest you want to be raped and take $1d15 damage!
  
• [Kefka]: Lawl
  
• *KefkaRolls takes 5 damage and drops to 5h.
  
• [DM]: *Kefka was unable to dance madly in Sephiroth's pants. He was then raped by said pants. This caused Kefka to go back to dancing madly. Insert eye bleach now.*
  
• [Kefka]: WORST ACTING EVER.
  
• [DM]: *Sephiroth's pants' raping skills have horrible acting skills.*
  

Plot comes first

<Kirran>Personally, I'm also trying to figure out what happened to another ghost we ran into. He told us a story that...doesn't sit right with me.
<Christoper_Belmont> I see... Care to fill me in on that one?
* Christoper_Belmont is puzzled and intriged
<DM> *Dex is impaled by a spike, dealing (including damage reduction) 2 damage.*
<Kirran> (You want to keep it down Dex, I'm trying to spout exposition. Lol)
<DM> (God Kirran, you're cruel)

Laaaate session, but whatever:

Govanaus and the forbidden hangover

• *Green_Enrics trips
  
• <Emilica> Don't mind her
  
• <Emilica> She is drunk
  
• <Green_Enrics> Hell yeah I am. *hiccup*
  
• <Leroy> I can smell the Jack Daniels.
  
• <Green_Enrics> (rofl)
  
• <Leroy> Chateu Romani prehaps?
  
• <Green_Enrics> Nah, just wasted a lot of my moneys on the Hyrule Market. *hiccup*
  
• <Leroy> Sybilis decided to have a not so bright idea to drink a Chateu Romani because it would give him infinte magic for a short period of time.
  
• <Leroy> I had to lock him in the house when it wore off.
  
• <Leroy> He is very unstable.

Later:

• * Green_Enrics punches Emilica
  
• <Travelling_Poe> I'm basically the only one who knows where Koume is right now.
  
• * Emilica gets sent flying into the sky
  
• <Dhoo> That's fine. You go ahead and we'll catch up.
  
• * Leroy stands between Green_Enrics and Emilica.
  
• <Leroy> I don't think we need to be fighting.
  
• * Emilica gets burned in the sky
  
• * Emilica has quit (Quit: .)
  
• <Green_Enrics> I think it's kinda too late...for that....
  
• * Green_Enrics hiccups
  
• <Leroy> ...I wish Sybilis didn't have that hangover.

Leroy Doo and Dhooby Doo

• <Dhoo> Will you carry me?
  
• <Leroy> ... Fine.
  
• * Leroy picks up Dhoo.
  
• <Leroy> Boy, you're pretty heavy.
  
• <Green_Enrics> Awwwwww
  
• <Green_Enrics> He looks so funny~
  
• <DM> *You all travel with the Poe*
  
• <DM> *A few minutes later, deep in the desert, you see shadow in the sky*
  
• <Harvey> Whispies. Watch out!
  
• <DM> *Two Red Whispies appear*
  
• <Dhoo> I should warn you. I'm not much of a fighter.
  
• <Leroy> Don't worry.
  
• <Leroy> I will keep you calm.
  
• <Dhoo> But that's what I do.
  
• <Leroy> And safe.

When Navi rerolls inits

• <DM> $init s
  
• <Navi> The battle has begun!
  
• <Navi> ROUND 1: Red_Whispy2 (10), Harvey (4), Red_Whispy1 (3) and Green_Enrics (2).
  
• <Navi> Bonus Turns: Red_Whispy2 (10).
  
• <Dhoo> $init 1d12
  
• <Navi> Dhoo: A battle is already in progress. You may join with $init join.
  
• <Green_Enrics> ._.
  
• <DM> $init r
  
• <Navi> DM: The bot has been reset.
  
• <Dhoo> oh god damn it
  
• <Harvey> $init 1d10
  
• <Green_Enrics> $init 1d10
  
• <Navi> Harvey: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 3.
  
• <Navi> Green_Enrics: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 2.
  
• <Red_Whispy1> $init 1d10
  
• <Dhoo> $init 1d12
  
• <Navi> Red_Whispy1: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 5.
  
• <Navi> Dhoo: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 6.
  
• <Green_Enrics> (Same Init roll. ;~;)
  
• <Red_Whispy2> $init 1d10
  
• <Navi> Red_Whispy2: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 10.
  
• <DM> $init s
  
• <Navi> The battle has begun!
  
• <CookStrike> (the odds)
  
• <Navi> ROUND 1: Red_Whispy2 (10), Dhoo (6), Red_Whispy1 (5), Harvey (3) and Green_Enrics (2).
  
• <Green_Enrics> (SAME ROLLS LOLWUT.)
  
• <Navi> Bonus Turns: Red_Whispy2 (10).

Randomness in Improv Dungeons

<-- DM has kicked Ares from #zurpg (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on a sword! «15,309»)
--> Ares (~WindStrik@24.246.165.68) has joined #zurpg
* Ares grabs both of her Doran's Blades and charges-
<@Ares> ......
* Ares grabs both of her Doran's Blade, including the one she LANDED on, and charges at Stalfos1 with a Cross Slash! (Roll Courage!)

Keyholes and lockpicks

Christopher_Belmont attempts to use the blessed dagger as a lockpick on the keyhole (roll courage)
<DM> *Your dagger enters the keyhole, but it fails to arouse the keyhole. It remains displeased with you. It seems you will need to find the right tool to unlock its love.*

Wolfos and the Trinity

<@DM> *WinterWolfos2 is smeared into a bloody masscre that paints the entire room red, bleeding out more blood than it actually had. The room's walls are not amused, and Kefka drives in through the fourth wall with his ambulance, jacked out with Magitek guns. It shoots the rest of WinterWolfos2's remains, and Kefka smiles as his ambulance is painted red. He rolls back out through the fourth wall, licking his lips in delight. What a beautiful day!
<@Kefka> Destruction to ALL!

Christopher Belmont's World Tour

[21:28:34] Christopher_Belmont heads south again into the puzzle room
[21:28:40] <@DM> wut
[21:28:48] Christopher_Belmont heads south again into the puzzle room via the door
[21:28:52] <@DM> wut
[21:29:00] <@Harvey> (Switch room, not Puzzle room)
[21:29:02] Emilica gets sent out of the puzzled room
[21:29:16] <%Christopher_Belmont> (err I meant switch room)
[21:29:21] <@DM> *You head south from the puzzle room, into the south hall, and back south again into the puzzle room. You have rounded the globe in a matter of seconds. Congrats.*

Giving a wall a poke ability

* Fireblast pokes a random wall
<DM> *The random wall pokes Fireblast back in accordance to the laws of physics.*
* Fireblast gets poked and loses .1 HP
<DM> (Congrats Fireblast, you gave a move to a random wall.)