Zelda Universe RPG

In the land of Romania, the sleepy village of Jova awakens to another peaceful morning. Just as the sun has settled into its customary path across the sky, travelers appear at the south gate. Darte, Kirran, Gurloz, and Silker have answered a summons from a monk somewhere in the land. The guards are understandably wary of the extremely diverse cast, but Father Nikolas arrives before any real trouble happens. The note, he explains, is from a natural philosopher named Gregory who operates out of Veros. Kirran picks up a rock while looking for Gossip Stones, and takes it with him as the party heads out for the new village. They are immediately struck by just how run-down the place is, as well as by the robed figure standing in front of the inn. Resisting the urge to trope it up, this is actually Brother Gregory. The party is wary of him, but reluctantly agree to follow him to an abandoned house due to his fears of being overheard. The monk explains that two important blueprints were stolen from the Grand College of Alba, where he had been researching until recently. One was the design for a flechette, but the other was an alchemical design which, when paired with the previous design, would create a solar bomb. Gregory has every reason to suspect that Dracula was behind the theft, though what he would want with an object so dangerous to him is unknown to the holy man. What he does know is that it’s highly likely Dracula sent in a doppelganger to do his dirty work, and that said doppelganger is likely to be hiding among the ruins of Wakiruya Town.

There are two paths leading to the ruins, but the group decides the south path sounds more interesting, since it features an apparently mad forest. Dex joins up with them mid-travel. They make for an abandoned monastery first, only to be ambushed on the road by monsters. Gurloz and Silker both get turned to stone during the fight, but things don’t get truly weird until the sun itself joins the battle for reasons known only to itself. Dex chalks up “make an empty shell bleed” to the list of impossible things he’s done, and Kirran manages to kill an enemy by hitting it for the exact amount of damage it was prepared to sustain. The plot, exhausted, elects to take a break.

Amazingly, the rock Kirran picked up back in Jova turned out to be Baegba all along, who joins the expedition despite an intense dislike of the cold fog. The Abandoned Monastery proves to be right near the entrance to the Mad Forest, which aptly explains the building’s state of abandonment. Dex tries to light the forest on fire, but all he manages to do is goad a Sinister Voice into taunting the party. For its trouble however, it ends up only with Kirran warping into a tree by accident, Baegba becoming even less intelligible than he already was and then transforming into Gurloz, and Dex wanting very badly to treetop-walk. The Lizalfos is stymied, however and as usual, by his lack of overall height. The jaunt through the forest proves to be surprisingly easy going, as the group walks right through a rusted-out spike trap, and then vaults handily up a set of cliffs along a ravine. Eventually they reach a heavy metal door, which the party decides is too metal not to go through, despite the fact that it is otherwise set in a crumbled wall that could be sauntered around with ease. From the depths of illogic, a clearing appears before them. Monsters beset our heroes once more here, though the battle swings in their favor early when Dex one-shots a Zombie, Gurloz sun-melts a Fleaman, and Kirran discovers the joys of super bomb arrows, badly scorching an Owl who manages to just barely escape the fight. The group is then left with a chest and a choice of several paths to take as the fog in the clearing dissipates.

The chest, it turns out, has holy water in it. This has no particular effect on which direction the group of adventurers takes. Silker, Darte, Dex, and Kirran all head on an eastern path brimming with darkness, while Gurloz elects to fly solo and travel in a different direction entirely. In the darkness, Kirran's torch counts for nothing and he trips on a Geodude. A very large pine tree, a gated path, and a dilapidated, rotting cabin materialize out of the void. Dex promptly walks into a tree. While the group considers what to do next, the Owl returns with a vengeance and a couple of friends. Kirran is more than happy to continue where he left off by flinging bomb arrows willy-nilly into the enemy group, deep-frying the Owl before it can even act. The Medusa Head promptly dies of pure shame. Darte is left with the cleanup, which he amicably demonstrates he is capable of. The Owl proves to be delicious, but was also carrying a key to the gate, behind which stands Gurloz somehow. Dex picks up a rusty sword from the cabin, but that’s all there proves to be aside from pocket change. In the distance, a massive graveyard is illuminated by the sun setting, and among the graves stands a shovel-bearing figure. Who’s that gravekeeper?

It’s Graveyard Keeper! Not-Dampe tells them that the graveyard is no place to be at night, and invites them to stay in his cabin for the night. Surly though he is, the man is hardly uncaring, and tries his best to make the small space amenable. Dex, however, proves to be a poor house guest and tries to steal anything not nailed down. All the same, the Graveyard Keeper lets them stay until the Moon has completed its journey for the night.

What a terrible night for a sidequest. Gurloz, more curious about the river than the darkness, heads off on his own down a separate path. He finds that the river is both wild and deep, so he wouldn’t really understand it anyways. The Knight of Light elects to follow the riverbank instead of attempting to cross, and discovers a door standing by its lonesome on the path. As anyone would do when confronted with such insanity in an insane forest, Gurloz pokes the door. The door, oddly, begins to speak. It explains, in much the same way that scientists wax on about quantum theory, that it is both itself and its own house. The door then unravels itself into a house to prove the point. Gurloz walks in, unafraid, and ends up back on the same path he was on, with the same door awaiting him as before. Flummoxed, he approaches the door again, this time opening it completely and letting out a dark force that names itself The Doorman. This curious apparition appears to know quite a bit about the Knight, which is enough to keep Gurloz from fleeing. The Doorman then takes the opening in the Knight’s defenses to transform into Dark Gurloz, and promptly attacks him. The darkness proves no match for the power of light, and with its dying breath, the bizarre entity confers a vision upon the Hylian of a place where the Guardian of Light may very well be imprisoned. The boss defeated, our hero heads onwards to the graveyard.

The Sun rises, and with it the levels of chicanery. The Graveyard Keeper leaves our heroes to their own devices, which results in his overall loss of some fifteen pot roasts and 200 biscuits. These are never spoken of again. They head out at once for the ruins of Wakiruya, and are beset by a decrepit church. The building is otherwise inanimate though, which makes it an easy target. The party at once heads inside, and are confronted with a mirror and another chest. Gurloz and Dex choose to investigate the mirror, which promptly explodes with dark power and coughs up Christopher Belmont (Dark Edition.) Although both Gurloz and Dex land on Kirran, the Sheikah only has the strength to throw the lizalfos back at the doppelganger, while Gurloz elects to have a seat. This creative battle maneuver, however, is unsuccessful, as doppelgangers apparently are unable to be surprised (except by megaton hammers.) Fake Belmont whips out a Blender Sword, and scores some minor hits on Dex, Silker, and Darte. Feeling confident, he then chooses to taunt Gurloz, which proves unwise. The battle continues with some impressive displays of combat prowess on both sides, though the group is dismayed to find that Fake Belmont has access to infini-spawn minion sword hilts. Properly pissed after countless misadventures on the quest, Gurloz puts his sword away and power-shots the boss with light beams, ending the fight right there.

Fake Belmont, in true villain style, refuses to die until he’s properly purged himself of exposition. He reveals that even as they fought, Dracula was busy wrecking the home of the Zoras and pilfering the Spiritual Stone of Water from its resting place in the Water Temple. Darte, understandably, is infuriated beyond reckoning by this news. He and Kirran shoot the doppelganger with arrows until it’s good and dead, though the Zora’s rage is far from satiated. The real Christopher Belmont arrives, filling them in on what they had just heard from his evil twin. The party takes a second to process this sudden, major turn of events on what ought to have been a relatively innocuous quest, then follows the Real Belmont on a shortcut back to Veros.

In the time it took for our heroes to return from the ruins, Brother Gregory changed his name legally to Brother Thomas. This proves to be of little consequence to the plot. Dracula appears, and has a good laugh about the ease of his victory at the expense of our heroes. No one is remotely strong enough to deal with his dark power, and the Count simply laughs and flies away again. Brother Thomas sets to work on making some solar bombs, while Christopher Belmont openly brainstorms ways to defeat the Lord of Vampires. Alucard takes a moment to appear, informing them that the next target will likely be Kokiri Forest, since it is strategically the weaker of the two potential temples. With nothing more to do but gather strength, the heroes of Romania depart at once. The rest of the party, wisely, elects to do the same.